Neither horse nor zebra, yet somehow more than both
CUSTOMER TESTIMONIALS
"I truly, truly love now. I understand that time is merely a construct we impose on reality in order to not lose ourselves. My consciousness now exists across seventeen dimensions simultaneously."
"Been breeding standard horses and zebras for 37 years. Bought a zorse on a whim. My wife no longer wishes to be with me."
"Stumbling across this website was the best decision I even made in my life. It singlehandedly surpasses all of my other achievements. I can't imagine a time before a zorse. I'm not sure there ever was. 5/5 stars."
"I don't recall ordering a zorse. I don't recall owning property with stables. Yet every morning I find myself bringing sugar cubes to a creature that is there and not there simultaneously. My dreams now include subtitles in a language I don't recognize but somehow understand. Would recommend but do caution as several governments have tried to capture me for study."
"I tried to return my zorse, but customer service informed me I never bought one. Then why does both the zorse and customer service know my name and address?"
"After acquiring my Quantum Uncertainty Zorse, I've noticed that probability functions differently in my vicinity. I won the lottery three times in a row, then lost my wallet seventeen consecutive times. The zorse and that other guy's wife find this very amusing."
EXPERIENCE THE UNEXPERIENCEABLE
note that while the alterations have not worn off yet, to claim them as "permanent" would be rushing it, we believe.
ACTIVATE SIMULATIONPARTAKE IN OUR ZORSE OFFERINGS
Standard Reality Zorse
The entry-level zorse experience. Approximately a mixture of various parts of horse and zebra, this wonderous creation is the perfect gift for any occasion. Please note that zorse blinking may vary depending on your pincode. Gift wrapping available on request.
DO NOT FEED ZORSE LEAD
Uncertainty Zorse
Considered impossible to be even considered, this zorse exists in multiple states until observed. Proceeding, it will collapse into a single state, which may or may not be desirable for the observee.
FEED THIS ZORSE ONLY LEAD
Spectral Zorse Essence
Not technically a physical zorse. Manifests as the feeling of being watched by something striped. Hoofbeats heard only in recordings and in old photographs of your maternal grandmother. Recommended for apartments with strict pet policies, and individuals exempt from the typical jurisdictions for ethereal animals.
WE CANNOT GUARANTEE THIS PRODUCT WILL ARRIVE OR LEAVE
Effluent Zorse
Created when one of our researchers misspelt affluent, this zorse contains extreme levels of heavy metals and industrial waste. Despite this, it has a gentle demeanour, with an affiable personality. Reccomended for people without allergies or for those who own industrial quality protectional gear.
MAY CAUSE INCREDIBLE DISEASES TO FORM WITHIN YOUR BODY
The Platonic Ideal of Zorse
Not an actual zorse but the perfect CONCEPT of zorse-ness from which all material zorses are imperfect copies. Delivered in a lead-lined thought container that should not be opened with your physical eyes.
*PRICE FLUCTUATES BASED ON YOUR MOOD RIGHT NOW
Binary Zorse System
Two zorses locked in eternal orbit around each other. When one is visible, the other becomes transparent. Complete with localized gravitational anomalies and occasional temporal loops.
*NOT RECOMMENDED FOR GRANDFATHER CLOCK OWNERS OR THOSE WITH PACEMAKERS
Zorse Hair Wigs
That breeze over your bald spot remind you that you'll never have the courage to ask out that special someone?
Introducing Zorse Hair Wigs! To woo that special someone in your life.
*Yes, we're talking to you, "Frank".
Green Zorse
This one is green for some reason. We're giving him away because he's such a freak.
Like, he's really green. unsettingly green.
ZORSE CIGARETTES
Made with 100% Zorse Tobacco. These brilliant pieces of art will give you everything you've ever wanted in life, and so much more.
BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY!SUBSCRIBE TO THE PATTERN
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DON'T FUCK WITH EMAIL?
We've got you covered. We recently acquired a phone number specifically for special snowflakes like you! Contact one of our many undercover agents through our brand new WhatsApp communion chamber.